So looking back at my hair history I’ve realized that I’ve had quite a few bad hair days. Like excruciatingly bad. If you don’t believe me (or if you just want to snicker at some hair awfulness) just keep reading for my top ten worst hair choices.
#1 – The one where it all started AKA the “April Mathis brainchild.”
Sadly, I have no pictorial documentation for this one. I was maybe twelve…thirteen? It doesn’t really matter, but it was at an age where having the world’s worst haircut felt like…well, the end of the world. This psycho woman decided to cut the top half of my hair into some strange layered mess and then proceeded to perm only the top. The result? A weird, fluffy, frizzy mess on the top and long, straight hair underneath. I cannot stress enough just how bad this haircut was. Looking back, I probably should have just taken it as a sign to leave my hair alone in the future.
#2 – The “I’m as awesome as every other pre-teen girl in the 90’s one.” This was where I wore my bangs in a weird sausage-like curl on top of my head. No photo for this one, either, although I’m pretty sure mom has some floating around. This hair, or rather, bang choice was not uncommon, but still unfortunate, and was followed closely by the half up-half down curled bangs. I can’t think of either style without shuddering a little.
#3 – The “Ang and I try to figure out layers on our own one.” I take full responsibility for this one, because I wanted layers and I really should have known that my sixteen year old sister wouldn’t know what on earth she was doing. These were the days before YouTube instructionals, people. The result? Well…I definitely had some layers.
#4 – The “I want to dye my hair a hideous shade of yellow one.” Why my parents let me do this, I’ll never know.
#5 – The “so short in the back that they shaved my neck (without permission) one.” I don’t have a picture, because the tragedy was in the back, and technically I didn’t dislike this cut, but whenever they have to shave your neck…it’s not a good thing. It did arm me with the knowledge to tell every hairdresser since to NOT cut so short in the back that they have to bring out the razor.
#6 – The “let’s highlight my hair within an inch of its life until it’s dead and dry and frizzy one.” This was obviously a long, drawn-out effort and probably didn’t look bad until the very end. But…the end did happen and it wasn’t pretty. At some point Ang just had to put her foot down and say no more…I think she was afraid all my hair was going to fall out. (Although this picture suggests that maybe she was the evil mastermind behind the whole thing. Her: pretty. Me: Hideous.)
#7 – The “how did my hair end up looking like a red helmet one.” There’s actually a family photo somewhere that really showcases the awful peachy-ness of this particular style, but I couldn’t find it. It’s possible that I burned it at some point.
#8 – the “dangerously close to being a mullet one.” Enough said.
#9 – the “it was cute the first time, but not so much the second time one.” I actually really liked this cut the first time around, but something went horribly wrong when I went back for a trim and I ended up looking like a boy. Seriously.
#10 – Probably my most famous haircut, this is the “I wanted to look like Sabrina (you know…the movie) but ended up a cross between an old lady and a poodle one.”
Most likely I’ve forgotten a few of my hair misfortunes, but I think the ones I remember are enough to haunt my nightmares for eternity.