Dear September in Texas, I have a bone to pick with you. It should not be 98 degrees on the 20th. You’re sneaky and mean and I hate you so much more than August. Dear universe, am I seriously the lone holdout on LuLaRoe leggings? Is is possible that I’m the single person in the world who doesn’t love those weird/wild colors and patterns? Please tell me it isn’t so. I need some friends who will stand with me against this trend. Dear pumpkin-all-the-things-lovers, I think yall need to hold your horses. Do you not understand that it’s still almost ONE HUNDRED DEGREES here? Have some pity on all of us in the South and wait until like…the end of October or something. And by the way, pumpkin-flavored-everything cannot possibly always be good. You may think I’m crazy, but I think you guys are a little too fanatical for your own good. Dear horrible, awful, plague-of-my-life flies, GO AWAY!! It is not summer again. You do not have my permission to be back in my house. My sanity will not stand for this re-invasion. Once a year is my limit. Ask anyone in my family…this will push me over the edge. Retreat is necessary before I do something we will all regret.