Dear election day, surely the rest of the country is as glad you’re here as I am. Now the ads and ridiculousness and fighting and hatred won’t be daily ruining my life anymore. I mean, nothing will be resolved and everyone will still hate everyone else, but at least now I won’t have to hear about it every second of every day. I even voted, which is why I’m sitting here feeling faintly sick to my stomach right now. Dear America, how on earth, out of all the millions of people in this country, did we end up with the two most obnoxious candidates of all time to choose between? Dear identical silver Nissan Altimas that whipped around either side of me on the freeway at the exact same time, how very Twighlight Zone-esque of you. Like I need more proof that the world’s gone mad. Dear autumn, I didn’t have to use the AC in my car for the very first time this week. Congratulations, you’re a real boy now.