Dear self, next time you pull a giant pot off a high shelf in the garden center of Walmart, you might want to think about whether it had rained for the entire previous day. Because that will keep you from dumping a gallon of ice-cold water directly into your face and all down your clothes and having to walk around the store like a drowned rat. Dear person who stole my iPhone, you. are. mean. You aren’t my favorite person. Dear Susannah, no, British isn’t the way you say English in Spanish. Hahahaha! Your mind truly works in mysterious ways.